Trust Comes Deliberately…
Written by Joy A. Adewumi
‘Seriously, if you ask me, I think you’re overthinking this matter.’ Fola said as she sat on the settee with her feet tucked beneath her flair gown.
‘Easy for you to say, you’re not in my shoes.’ Tayo, her cousin said with an exasperated sigh as she turned to face Fola.
‘I think it’s a good thing I’m not. It means, at least one of us is clearheaded enough to remember God’s promises.
‘And who says I’m not clearheaded?’ Tayo asked giving her cousin the stink eye.
‘I do.’ Fola replied not caring the look on her cousin’s face. They were age mates and had been friends for almost as long as they’d been family. They’d also lived so close to each other almost all their lives.
First, with their parents living within walking distance of each other’s house and then in the university where they’d both schooled and finally back home with their parents, she knew Tayo like the back of her hand. Fola knew Tayo was all bark and zero bites and that stink eye was the toughest of her growl. It had always surprised her how it seemed to send even the toughest of people scampering. It just never worked on her and she knew that fact infuriated Tayo to no end. ‘Apparently, up there,’ she continued gesturing at Tayo’s head, ‘is fogged up completely with worry and anxiety that you can barely accommodate anything else.’
‘That’s not true. I’m mildly worried, that’s all.’ Tayo argued.
‘Mildly worried, you say?’ Fola scoffed. ‘With all these sighs, subconscious frowns and woolgathering. Pardon if I am worried you’re losing hold of your command of the English language, because “mildly worried” does not cut your case right now.’
‘As I said before, you can only say this because it’s not your cause to be worried about.’ Tayo replied with an irritated click of her tongue.
‘Even though it feels like we are working in circles, I’ll repeat myself that I believe it is a good thing one of us can be there to remind the other of God’s faithfulness at this time. Besides, you make it sound like I’ve never had reason to be in the waiting room. We all have, at one point or the other. What matters, sincerely, is how we spend our time there.’ Fola replied ever so patiently. She knew it wasn’t really that Tayo didn’t trust God for the result she desired from the most promising job interview she’d attended since she finished her youth service two years prior, Fola was just worried that the past disappointments might be tainting her cousin’s faith and filling her with no small degree of fear.
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‘You know it’s not that I don’t trust God. I just can’t help but worry. It’s just me. You know that’s what I do. I don’t think this is any different.’
Fola did not believe that weak line of defence any more than Tayo, herself did. ‘You’re right, I know you. So, I know that this is not your normal. Worrying about the extravagance of your hat on a Sunday morning until no less than three unrelated people tell you it is okay, or worrying about your week’s performance even when you have practically worked your behind off is not quite the same as sounding pessimistic about an interview you’ve prayed so hard about and believe you aced. They are quite different scenarios. While the first two are you being a normal worrywart, I daresay – not that you can stop me anyway – that this one is almost indicative of unbelief. It’s just too much.’
Tayo opened her mouth to speak but Fola spoke over her with a raise of her hand. ‘I know you are about to argue my point-‘
It was Fola’s turn to speak over her. ‘Naturally, I’d argue because that’s utter balder-‘
‘Oh, please, Tee! Can you stop already and let’s have an honest conversation here.’ Fola interrupted again. ‘Please?’ she pleaded.
Tayo released a deep sigh, quite unlike the worried ones she had been releasing all day and Fola knew she finally had her honest undivided attention.
‘You know I’m right. I know I’m not always right, but this time, you know it, too well, that I am right.’
Another sigh. Fola knew that was as much as she was going to get in the way of admission but it was okay. They were making progress. ‘Think about it. Faith is practical. It has to be expressed in all areas of your expectation, but I fear you’re trying to cushion your heart against a prospective blow of disappointment even though you’ve been praying hard and that this is the most promising interview you’ve had. Let’s not forget that all this is mostly because this is your dream job.’
‘But you know how it has been, Fola. There is only so much disappointment one can stomach before they develop some sort of coping mechanism.’ Tayo replied in a soft voice. Great! More progress.
Fola silently thanked the Holy Spirit for His intervention and prayed for the Spirit of wisdom and counsel to help her friend get off her pseudo-fence between unbelief and trust in God. A fence which in the real sense of it was unbelief. She needed the Holy Spirit, Himself, to speak through her and she trusted He would.
‘I know, Tayo, I do. But you know it’s all the devil’s tactics to make you concentrate on the past disappointments and rejections when in truth, it hasn’t all being disappointments. Think about it, haven’t you said on more than one occasion that you feel like you’re exactly where God wants you to be at each of those points in time?’ Tayo swallowed and Fola counted it as another small win. She continued. ‘Were there not reasons you said so with so much conviction? Come to think of it. If you’d gotten one of those previous jobs, will you be here today looking forward to getting your real dream job? Maybe God knew you’d be too scared to leave the security of those jobs for what you were made for and because of that, He saved your desire and aspiration for this moment. So, it’s really just a matter of choosing a perspective. You could choose to see only disappointments or you could decide to see that God never for once forsook you and has been busy preparing the best for you. It will all turn for testimony at the end of the day. You’ll see.’
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Swallowing again, Tayo nodded. ‘I know all you’ve said is right. They would probably be my exact words if our roles were reversed, but it’s hard to convince my heart to trust. I hate that I am cushioning myself against possible rejection, but I can’t seem to help it. I hate that I can’t seem to trust God as much as I want but I can’t convince my heart to do it.’
Fola thanked God for great victories. Tayo wasn’t the type to open her heart easily and let her vulnerabilities slip out but seeing her do it so freely made Fola sure God was involved. ‘And they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony. What was that word of testimony, dear couz? It was the sure word of prophecy. Remember, even our Lord Jesus Christ employed it when He rebuked the devil with the written word. Use it too. Use the word to shut up the liar.
Besides, sis, you should know trust comes deliberately. It doesn’t just jump on you simply because you know God can do it. Knowing and acknowledging God can do it is one thing. Trusting and believing He WILL do it is another matter entirely. That part comes deliberately. And it comes from banking on His track-record of faithfulness and using the two-edged sword of the Spirit which is the word of God to ward off all thoughts and imaginations of fear and unbelief.’
‘True. I must confess I did not consider the deliberateness of trust. But what if I still do not get the job? What if this turns out to be another disappointment? What If this is not what God wants for me and it’s not my last bus stop like I thought? I feel like I would have just opened my heart up for nothing. I would have simply set my heart up for another disappointment.’ Tayo replied, uncertainty evident in her voice shaky voice.
‘How would you know, if you never try? Remember that he that comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. The miracle you want from God is contingent on your faith in Him. Give God a chance to be God and if doesn’t work out, then you can be sure it wasn’t His plan for you. And you know what that means, right? As the heavens are higher than the earth so are His ways higher than your ways. For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the Lord thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end. If it doesn’t work out, you can be sure it’s because He has something better in store. That’s not mere optimism, that’s God’s unfailing promise.’ Fola replied praying earnestly in her spirit-man that Tayo’s faith will be strengthened by her words.
‘I know it sounds silly, but sometimes I wish God would just give me one of these jobs and just let me earn a proper living and do something with my degree.’ Tayo said gesticulating lightly.
Fola smiled. ‘It’s not silly, simply human. It’s however not a good thought to dwell on. It was after all the sin of the Israelites. Craving the cucumber and garlic of Egypt where they were treated as less than human because they’d rather not deal with the hustle of the journey to the promised land. Besides that, I’m sure you don’t mean that. It’s just your fatigued heart talking. I don’t claim to be some great woman of faith I just know that surely there is an end and your expectation shall not be cut off, remember? Your breakthrough will come, no doubt about it, though it may tarry, it will come and when it does, you’ll be grateful God did not leave you to settle for less, because it will all finally be worth it.
Remember what they say about all the inconveniences of pregnancy and labour pains after the baby finally arrives, the mother can hardly remember them. All she can feel is the overwhelming joy of her beautiful gift. I do believe it would be the same way with your breakthrough. Besides, remember it’s a process. It’s not like God is leaving you hanging there in the interim. He’s preparing you to handle and appreciate the good stuff when it comes. It’s all about perspective and perspective is deliberate.’
‘I know, Fola, I do. But thank you for reminding me not to give up. It’s not rocket science to figure that flesh and blood did not reveal all these to you. Thank you for letting God use you to strengthen my faith. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve a support system like you. Thank you, dear.’ Tayo said as she scooted forward on her seat and took Fola’s hands in hers.
With a grateful smile to God as she whispered thanks in her heart to Him, Folareploed, ‘Don’t I know it. God be praised.’ This was what she lived for. This was her quota to the kingdom. The ministry of help and encouragement and she was grateful to the Triune Deity for another opportunity to help a soul by His help.
God is thinking of you and his thoughts are to make your life more beautiful than you could ever imagine. However, to possess all the good He has in store for you, you have to do more than merely acknowledge His love and plans for you. You have to trust Him.
And trust comes deliberately.
Yours in the faith,