I looked up from my meal as Christy opened her mouth and closed it again. That was the fourth time in five minutes and it was doing me in.

I took a sip of my drink and dropped my spoon.

‘What’s wrong now? We only have forty-five minutes for lunch. So I think you should stop bidding your time and say whatever you have to say already.’ It was our lunch break from work and Christy and I had rushed down to the midscale eatery three blocks away from the office to replenish our energy.

However, the moment she told me she wasn’t hungry and wouldn’t be ordering anything, I knew there was an actual fire on the mountain. Christy was a foodie and I’d never in our three years of working together heard her say she was not hungry at lunchtime.

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She released a sigh and leaned back on the restaurant chair. Rubbing both palms down her face, she looked heavenward and replied,

‘That’s the problem exactly. I don’t even know how to express my problem. I can’t point specifically to my challenge. For a while now, I’ve felt as if I’ve been dunked in murky waters.’

‘Murky waters?’

‘Hmn-hmn… Like cloudy and dim. I just go through the routine of each day, wishing the day was over already as soon as I wake up. Even my bible study and prayer time have become monotonous because I’d only feel guilty if I don’t fulfill that righteousness.’

‘So, in other words, you feel like you’re going down an endless road with nothing but the same exact thing you’ve been seeing for the past hour in sight?’ I asked.

‘Yes, but it would have been better had it been just that, there’s still the murkiness. I feel heavy and tied down. Real joy seems far away from me despite how hard I try to reach for it. At first, I thought it was just moodiness from the stress of work, but it has gone on for far too long and now some nights, as I stare at my ceiling, I get the weirdest thoughts.’ I blinked rapidly at her revelation and asked baffled,

‘Thoughts like?’

‘Thoughts like: It would be nice if the night could go on forever. Or it would be great if I just slept and never woke up. Or maybe I could just disappear and every trace of my existence would get wiped off.

‘Wow! The devil is desperate sha oo.’ I commented under my breath.

‘You said?’ She asked and I shook my head at her asking her to continue.

‘Mide, I don’t know how I got here and I’m completely at loss as to how to get out!’ Christy lamented.

‘I just wish I could reach out to heaven but my prayers are so weak and lethargic that I don’t believe they go two inches above my head.’

‘That’s not true.’ I said quietly.

‘Ehn?’ She asked again, a deep V forming between her brows, apparently confused.

‘I said it’s not true that your prayers are not reaching heaven.’ I watched her features relax again showing comprehension. Then she chuckled dryly with not an iota of humor.

‘How would you know? I can’t see anything changing.’

‘I just don’t believe even the murkiest waters can hinder the passage of God’s light of peace.’ I replied as I also leaned back on my chair and folded my arms across my chest.

‘Sweets, the devil is just a desperate manipulator. He’s messing with your mind and wants you to believe God is not listening but God has a way of getting through to us even in murky waters. I say so because I’ve been there too. Quite a number of times as a matter of fact. And every single time, God comes through.

‘Each time something like this happens to me, I find it hard to see beyond that mood and I can’t seem to imagine myself being happy again. At other times, I even feel like there isn’t much to my whole existence, so it might as well end. I suppose that’s what you mean by being dunked in murky waters. But honey, nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, not even the murkiest waters.’

Christy leaned away from the chair towards the table between us and her eyes twinkled with a glimmer that spoke of rising hope. I could tell she wanted to grasp it but was not quite sure it was real. So I added,

‘Christy, I am a living testimony. I can’t say exactly how it would happen, but as far as you don’t give up on God and you keep sending those prayers even as weak and feeble as you think they are, there is certainly a God in Heaven whose hearing range is beyond imagination. He’ll hear and come through for you. Believe me.’

My friend released a small sigh as she nodded lightly and replied.

‘I hope you’re right because I feel like I’m sliding down a banister and I’ve gotten to the end but can’t find a landing. Just a deep dark hole.  I honestly do not know how much longer I can hold out.’

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I nodded at her as I glanced at my wristwatch and wolfed down the rest of my lunch and then washed down the meal with my bottle of Chapman.  When I’d wiped off all traces of food from my mouth, I said,

‘I’ll be praying for you. You ain’t slipping off nothing.’ And I meant it.

**********************
Dear reader,

Yea, it’s a short read today but I trust you got the message.

Many suicide attempts stemmed from this feeling of being dunked under murky waters and because the devil has a very strategic and subtle way of making one feel abandoned by heaven, many people have slid down that banister right into the mental abyss that now either plagues them or has even taken their lives and cut short their glorious destinies.

Don’t let the devil get the better of you. You’re not worthless, your existence is not meaningless and you’re certainly not abandoned. In fact, the devil only gets so desperate when the manifestation of your brilliant destiny is just around the corner.

You have to remember that even when you feel tired, lethargic and cold, your prayers, however weak they may be, are heard. The Father hears and sees all that concerns you and your salvation is near. Very near.

…even in murky waters.

With sincere love, 
From Yours truly,
The Girl with the Winning Smile,
Spirit Pen!

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